A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
