Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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