Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
