she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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