i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
