You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
