i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
