is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
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When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
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GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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