They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
