i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
