He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
