she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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