No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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