There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
