We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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