pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
