Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I wear drunk well.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
