I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
