you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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