plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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