Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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