Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
