I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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