even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
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I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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