i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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