I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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