My Higher Power is John Stamos
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
