I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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