I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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