First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
