Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
