I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
