I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
