No awkward lesbian experiences without me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
