My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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