now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
