Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
