Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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