You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
