I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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