He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
