fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
