and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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