I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
