She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
