so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
