You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
