I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
