Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
