I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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