I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
