Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
