my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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