What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
