she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
