I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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