dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
