is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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