Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
