you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
