Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize