I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
