She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
