she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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