It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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