coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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