he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
