loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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