Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
