I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
