She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
