remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
