woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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