I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
