I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
