he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
