the condom got lost in my hair
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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