It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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