We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
