For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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