community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
