What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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