They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The power of my boobs compel you
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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