I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
