Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
