Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
