i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My vagina just recognized that song.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
